C'est seulement que j''etais si confortable et chaud

Hey kid, good morning-
You look like
An angel

I guess we can both be that way.
I guess I'll do nothing to stop you.
Taking it back now is going to be hard now.
Here I go- something unpredictable, indeed.

I will do all that I can, with whatever I have, wherever I am. And I'll let good enough be good enough.

Les etoiles qui brulaient si fort, qu'elles pleuraient

I'm not certain, I know how...

It's actually been a few splendid days, with more last minute sleeping in and relaxing coming up. I am a little ashamed to admit I did brave the mall on Boxing Day, Chinook mall nonetheless, giving into the consumerist materialism that runs rampant among these parts. I will own up to that much. I will also own up to the fact that I did it purely because I like to look pretty in new clothes. So there. I said it.
Also, to Emily Hyrcha, who may or may not read my blog:
Once upon a time, I complimented you on your beautiful buoyant curls and expressed a wish for my curls to be just as beautiful and buoyant. You took me aside and whispered to me (all the while furtively glancing from side to side) that the secret was, in fact, in the shampoo you used. Just today I used that very shampoo. The result? Beautiful buoyancy in my curls. I do thank you for this. You were on my mind today, as you were last night when I saw the penguin commercial. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp! indeed.
I've had relaxy days, spent learning how to play Ode to Joy on the guitar. Indeed, I can now play the 'G' chord, 'G7', 'D7', and 'C'- try not to flood me with too many compliments, I'm working on my modesty. I've also been keeping up the running thing, which helps to arrest the many chinook-induced nosebleeds that I do not enjoy. Also, if I wake up early to go on my run, then I get to go to bed nice and early, which I am also not ashamed to admit I enjoy.
Tonight, Kaylie is going to bring over more animated movies for me to enjoy (I saw How To Train Your Dragon a few nights ago; needless to say, it was fabulous, after all, it was about Vikings) tonight, and, amidst banter about boys and sippage of tea (I imagine), we will watch 'Despicable Me', which I have also yet to see. I'm really behind on my watching of animated movies. Tomorrow, of course, will be fantastical also because a potluck lunch, in our dear Shannon's honor, is to be held here, within my humble abode, with hottub and many Christmas cookie leftovers to be enjoyed. And, of course, more boy banter and tea sippage. I find that this occurs regularly in my humble abode. And I am DEFINITELY ALSO completely unafraid to admit this.
Also, to be noted; if you ever want to wear pants ever again, I would suggest not purchasing lululemon's WunderUnder legging-majigs. They are the most comfortable thing in the history of comfortable things. And I am including purple snuggies in this count. (Well, maybe not purple snuggies. But definitely other colors of snuggies.)
Also, to be noted; Hannah and Lyndsay will be doing hot yoga on Thursday morning. Just a sidenote, to enunciate how awesome my life is.
Also, New Year's is going to be fantastic. (See above.)
Also, Eric Miller, has your sister had her baby yet? You are NOT keeping me informed.

Further accomplishments of winter break:
1. I learned how to steam milk. Now, I have unlimited access to foam. Enough said.
2. I want inside, so that I can see, what's going on, if I'm there, where I opened, in the spaces in between the scars, hello hello, are you listening up there?
3. HANNAH I KEEP FORGETTING TO TELL YOU BUT THAT BEAUTIFUL LOTION THAT YOU HAVE WAS STILL ON SALE SO I BOUGHT SOME OF THAT BITCH AND I LOVE IT SO.

Et pour la dernier journee de Noel...

I am proud to say that I can now become an unwashed, indie hippy kid who can play all of four chords on her beautiful new guitar... However, these are the only chords needed to play a bajillion pop hits ( I mean, indie obscure...nonhits); if you don't believe me, search "4 chord song" by Axis of Awesome (I think) on youtube. You will be pleased.

That buzzy feeling will not go away, no matter how many delicious Christmas suppers I fill my tummy with (two; but who's counting?) Olive, I need more of your help, I think. Maybe soon.

Astonishing...

She's right, you know. I have my grandmother's eyes, but my own will to hold on and stay sturdy on my single-captained ship. As long as there is promise of sea turtles to accompany me wherever I go, swimming fluidly along the bow. Guiding me home.

Un poste base entierement sur la beaute de cette image

See, now you're just trying.

...uhh, Happy Merry Christmas Eve.

Baby steps.

Le premier, Noel...

I love those moments when you just really, truly understand someone. When you just know, inexplicably, how to explain everything that they're trying in vain to inexplicably explicate through conveying explications. And so, as I sit here reading my good friend Rachel's blog, I find myself smiling a little and nodding, whilst I too, yawn and try to think of ways to spend my time until I can, forgivably, go to bed.

Also, it is Christmas eve tomorrow.

I spent a little bit of time right there, during the space, looking at my blogs from last year. It's strange, because it doesn't feel like that long ago, but on the other hand, there are these funny buzzy feelings in my tummy when I read parts of them. It's funny, because around this time last year I wrote a blog about me and Rachel Schneider and how we were feeling the same sort of feelings then, too; (resentment over Chemistry 20, but who gives a flying reindeer.) (I'm becoming more creative with my curses, I feel. It must be the Christmas spirit. Or Eric, finally having some impact on me. But no, probably the former.)

I spent a little bit of time right there, during that space, thinking about where I want to be next year, when I'm, re-reading this blog. I feel like I shouldn't share in this space. Possibly because it'll make more funny buzzy feelings in my stomach, completely unrelated to the coconut shortbread cookies I have just ate (...oh no, wait, that was like...3 hours ago. Hm.) But I don't want to jinx it.

I don't want to jinx it. 
But I'm doing weirder and weirder things as time goes on. 

Donc, ceci c'est le Noel

I guess it's just that I thought...well.
I think a lot of things.
Most of them are silly, some are ridiculous, and some feature my brain. That makes everything up. That makes me imagine things (which comes from the words 'image' and ...'ine'), things that are completely contrary to the way things are. Like upside down, backwards, and inside out, on the opposite side of the color spectrum, and smelling just not quite right. A little like...well, you know.
I like bright lights, hot chocolate, and the TV show that Hannah and I will be the stars of as soon as we find the right baby to steal. Preferably not budgers, or hay-throwers, or fat sluts.

I guess it's just that I thought...well.

1. Falling slowly, eyes that know me.

Un pas en arriere, un pas en avant

...and even if you feel like you're moving, you're still just pacing.

The sun is finally out today, on this fine December 22, at 11:19 in the morning. I will go out for my run soon- just waiting for that word I can't think of...something like inspiration, influence...you know, that one that will be the catalyst for an action...waiting for...
Yes, my brain is already losing its smarts from a healthy lack of school. Franchement, la, I'm okay with it. Breaks are needed. Breaks are good for thinking. Breaks are good for brains, for skin, for sleep, for...pituitary glands...
Maybe sort of.
I'm kind of in a bizarre mood right now, and can't really place why, exactly, or what I should be doing to maybe reglement this mood. Maybe when the en-dolphins get flowing, it will clear my nose, clear my throat, open my eyes, clean my face, open my brain to the rational, proper thinking required to make cookies all day. Or something?

1. Little actions, little notes, little prayers.
2. Gives me courage, to give you courage.
3. Connecting to the tightrope, where I'm hanging by a finger.
4.  Doin' what comes nat'rally.
5. Maybe not the best idea.
6. Where are my headphones?
7. Lost in my purple snuggie.
8. Lost where the other lost things are.
9. Always been like a hummingbird...

C'est ici que je sort du train

Exhausting- but better- days.
I feel tired, all the time; but not a worn-down tired anymore. I just feel contentedly tired, knowing that I can go to sleep without having to worry about this, or that, or both this and that, or something else completely, or all three. Knowing that I can get up and go about my business, with or without French toast, going for cold morning jogs that wake me up, collecting bottles door-to-door for causes I'm not even a part of (but I'm in it for the Starbucks), listening to lovely recitals played by lovely musicians who are all so friendly and wear purple ties. Preparing for spending time with friends in the minus 2 weather, instead of minus 14. Painting pictures of wildness, spending refreshing evenings of solitude with my head and soothing strokes of paint. But content, at the end of the day, going to bed with ice on my silly, silly knee and stories of Pad thai, acceptance, and warm hands in my deepest heart of hearts. (With visions of sugar plums...or rather, texts from Kaylie watching silly movies and offering me cookies, advice, and advice about cookies. Mmm, cookies.)

Kaylie: is a good snuggler.
Hannah: is a lovely duet partner.
Rachel: is a good bottle collector.


I hope you are all having a rotten time in Hawaii.


Secrets:

C'etait seulement que j'aimais tellement cette photo

Reasons I like my friends:

+ It's okay that we don't like each other's blood-filled endometriums.
+ They like getting socks for Christmas.
+ They let me know when my plans of attack are too...violent
+ They approve of my plans of attack
+ They sing songs with me and make me all sloppy and cry-y and emotional
+ They respect my bow, even if they don't like bows all that much themselves
+ They are not fat sluts (one-year anniversary of said account; do you remember?)
+ They don't get QUITE as thrilled as I do about my sparkly cookies, but they pretend to
+ They sing songs from Spamalot in ugly Camelot costumes
+ et cetera

Hannah: you buy him something confusing, funny...sticky...(maple syrup. I realise that sounded kind of dirty.)
Which is exactly what you have done.
And now you get to spend time with person.
And figure all these sticky situations out. (See what I did there?)

(I want to know what I look like, from someone else's eyes.)
HELLO, PAST LIFE:
Oh Juliet -when we made love you used to cry, 
used to swear like the stars above well you’d love me till the day that we died:


frozen eyelashes 
christmas books 

lullabies 
lucky pennies

Aurevoir, mon estomach

...Spent the last hour getting through applications for U of A and (trying to understand the complicated application process of) Concordia. The farther and farther I got, the clenchier and knottier and swishier my stomach became. I don't know if this is a good sign. Maybe it's just everything, plus this, plus that, plus them, plus the Queen of Sheba and the King of Kazoo.

Maybe it's just that, like all my fellow Aberhart-ians, I really don't know whether I am ready to do this or not. I thought it would be clearer and easier, now. Now that things have sort of a little bit changed. I guess I was wrong about that, too. 

I'm often wrong.

(But don't tell; I put on this persona of being always right. And I am. What? Always right? Of course.)

I want a wormhole for Christmas.

That, or a very, very comfortable blanket to sink into for the next three weeks or so. 

Trop tard

+

sun runs
underwear shopping
heartattack cookies
angsty avril lavigne
eat pray love

-
i don't know if you hid it for my benefit
but i saw it.
other people who are happy
the fact that that makes me feel icky
ice

Regardez toujours sur la cote positif de la vie

I am going to wear flowers in my hair, and
enjoy my morning runs
that will soon be afternoon runs
and i am going to do what kaylie tells me to do
and I am going to uninstall and then reinstall iTunes because I
don't know what's wrong with that bitch
But instead of being frustrated at the way it ruins
my life
I am going to fix it.
I am going to read books, be educated
Study the endocrine system
wear harem pants
Sing (alot)
maybe finally write more songs
(not stupid angsty ones)
wear different necklaces (sometimes when I feel like it)
(actually probably not)
clean my room more often
point my feet harder

I can learn (sort of)  to be someone and me
who is not the breakdown sort (in public places and maybe in private but you won't know that)

(this doesn't mean anything unless you want it to)

La douleur exquise

cold winds;
blowing

mistletoe;
drooping

candles;
melting

vision;
narrowing

breaking;
point

C'est le temps de ramasser

Glee made me cry, when Rachel sang her song. I have serious issues.
I don't even like that show anymore. My mind is being laid siege on by whatever the opposite of serotonin is, if that is happy hormone. I can't remember though.
I keep wishing to back, just 24 hours ago, to when this was getting easier, instead of harder.
I don't want it to be Christmas anymore.
I don't want it to even be the weekend yet-
I don't want to make this harder on you.
But all I want for Christmas...

Broadway;
A quiet night at home


I'm lost and I'm lonely, and I can't find my way anymore


Not a soul alive who can get behind this wall


Hands touch


Eyes meet

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."

"I live in the clouds. Reality is not for me. People say I should come down. That the clouds are not a place for grown ups to be. I smile at them; maybe one day, I say, maybe one day I will come down. But I never will. Reality is not for me. I shall stay up here. The view is quite breathtaking."

"It's hard to  wait around for something you know might never happen:  but it's even harder to give up everything when you  know it's everything you want."

Aujourd'hui, le 6 decembre

Today, I feel like I accomplished something.
Don't ask me about Dido and Aeneas or A Mighty Fortress Is Our God unless you really want to hear all about it.
Also, flippy knee thing? Hello. That hurts.
Also, I hate you stupid slutty girls. Stop wearing your pushup bras and false eyelashes. Nobody's falling for it.
You're insecure and I like it.

Est ce que vous croyez, comme moi, je crois?

Fantastic show....1/2 of the audience did not even see the plotholes/potholes. Good on you, all.
I was going to then write 'now, to business:', and list said business, but I don't even know what kind of business I wanted to discuss, right now. I don't really remember. Nor is this a remotely interesting blog entry.

Fun fact:
Water Music by Handel was written in 1717, for King George I. It was first performed on a barge, carrying the musicians down the river Thames, for the people of London to enjoy. Also because they were unsure of how they felt about their king and he thought it would be a good way to appease them. It is set for 2 trumpets,  2 French horns, 2 oboes, a bassoon, strings and a timpani acting as basso continuo.
This dance suite has five movements: Allegro, Alla hornpipe, a Minuet, Lentement, and finally, a Bouree. It is in D major, and the first movement begins in 4/4 time.
The Allegro movement, commencing in D major and quadruple meter, with an ABA form, announces itself with a fanfare-like theme in the trumpets. A descending scale in the violin answers this main theme. Section B is opened once more by trumpets, with a modulation to the dominant of A major, declaring themselves in a dotted rhythm motif which is imitated by the French horns amidst dialogue between the strings and brass. Section A then repeats in D major, and an Adagio section acts as a bridge between the first and second movements.
Alla hornpipe, the second movement, also begins in D major, in a 3/2 time signature, in ABA form. The A section features a disjunct, D major theme in the strings and double reeds. At a moderate and spritely tempo, it is reintroduced by the trumpets and French horns. The B section is in B minor, featuring a fast-moving and syncopated theme shared by the strings and the woodwinds. The A section then repeats, ending in a D major cadence.


....Now I only have to do that with about 20 more things, and I'll be solid.

Restez calme si tu peux- moi, je ne peux rien faire correctement

Can I plead temporary insanity?
I guess that doesn't really work in situations like these.

What a wonderful phantasmagorical show we put on last night, ladies and gents. No need to note that we didn't really have a dress rehearsal. Since when does any Aberhart musical need one of those? Not when we have women in love with men who secretly like to dress like women, twins with matching shirts, too many bangles to count, and creepy rapists in potato sacks. I'm telling you, who needs 'em?

It's cold.

I have a feeling my friend the dodo bird would not enjoy it here, either. Too bad we'll never know.

Do you remember
A cold night close to the end

Laissez tomber vos cheveux