Et je veux ton revanche

Hannah:
Out with the bad air, in with the good. You're only human. Probably the main reason you're so stressed out and (think) you're crazy and hormonal is because everybody keeps dumping loads and loads of...merde on your head. Like me, with my angsty teenage life and my drama queen ways of dealing with it. Like the drama teachers, who think that their production of a show that's not even a real show is the end-all be-all of this entire universe. (I'm not positive I've used that expression correctly.) Like the math teachers and the biology teachers, who have taken this week to practice social darwinism, and pick out the stragglers and less intelligent kids, point at them, laugh, and mark their test papers with small (in value, not in area), ugly numbers. Like the boys, who live in the United States.
But you know what, even through all of this, you still manage (in public) to keep a straight (albeit smiling) face, support your angst-ridden friends, suffer through long and unproductive musical theatre classes, and look damn fine while doing it. And, as Sally pointed out,. be the better-looking twin. (I love you, Enrique.)
Things have got to look up for us crazies. If they don't, we're going to quit high school, move to Peru, buy a goat, name her Ellis Maguire, and live off the land, free of tone-deaf persons, slow-walking persons, persons who don't consider the importance of hygiene even though we do, in fact, live in the 21st century where it is usually celebrated, and all other stressful things that are non-goat related.
Ryan, Rachel and Allison can visit on weekends and holidays, provided they bring us Chai tea and fuzzy slippers and their respective farm animals to keep Ellis Maguire company.

C'est quel heure?

Yeah, time doesn't actually exist in my life anymore.
It's something that is not only a rare commodity, it's completely extinct.
Like a dinosaur, or a dodo bird, or myself in an unemotional state.

I spend too long on things that don't matter, and not enough time on things that sort of matter, and no time at all with/on things/people that do matter. That sounds funny. I typed it like that on purpose. Because I have a sense of humor. I am full of such witticisms. I don't know what I'm typing anymore. Once more, it's time for me to go to bed, when I've hardly accomplished anything at all, other than choreography for stupid numbers in a doomed show and making people who love me doubt my affections even more.

My tongue is caught on silence because 
I'm so exhausted worn out and not confused confused not confused
It's not to do with you
Nothing to do with you
Except everything is to do with you, but I forget that
Because I'm so busy with everything else


I want to be a lovely picture in a magazine or teenage blog page again

Les actions, non les mots

I need to stop hurting my head.
I need to stop hurting my hips.
I need to stop being such a fucking math genius (apparently).
(Except not.)

Also, DNA, just go replicate yourself already, because Lyndsay doesn't care.

Also, I do care. I promise.
My mind is screwing with my body, possibly because of an overdose of vitamin C, possibly because...
Yeah, not going there.

Stress is actually screwing with me this time. So are baggy sweaters. I really want one of those comfy, ugly sweaters that actually are adorable. Why don't I have one of those? Can I find one, or do they have to be passed on like a tradition or a kiss?

Next, for my Olive, who has stumbled upon hard times; this reminded me of you.

All of us food groups will always be there to pull you out of the rain.

Le dindon

"Every single day, the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight
Still I always feel, this strange estrangement-
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right
I've been making shows
Of trading blows
Just hoping no one knows

That I've been going through the motions..."

• I am thankful for duvet covers, I am thankful for crunching leaves. 
• I am thankful for holidays, I am thankful for panda bears.
• I am thankful for storybooks, I am thankful for drama teachers.
• I am thankful for the tetrad of sense and literacy, I am thankful for long hugs.
• I am thankful for long nights.
• I am thankful for sleep, I am thankful for being awake.
• I am thankful for endorphins, I am thankful for dolphins, which kind of sounds like endorphins.
• I am thankful for the thought, now, of tiny tiny dolphins swimming through my bloodstream, making me feel alive.
• I am thankful for boyfriends who want the best for me.
• I am thankful for friends who know the best for me.
• I am thankful for pumpkin pie, like so many of us are.
• I am thankful for dragons, and I am thankful for Adam Pascal.
• I am thankful for White-Out, erasers, crosswords, and the like.
• I am thankful for the elephant in the room who remains just out of sight.
• I wish I had X-Ray vision. So I could stop this foul energy, dirtying our connection.

Pas de voix

I have been absent from the blogosphere for a while, and I have time now, and little else, (i.e. motivation to do math homework, I told you so), I figured I would sit down and write about some things that are going through my mind.

one- I am, by nature, unreasonable, not in a screwy social-studies-esque political way, but just in a very human way. I am unfair, I am selfish, I expect way too much out of the both of us. But as much as I realize this, shouldn't you want to do all these things that I don't expect, but secretly want to, at the same time, like you used to, I think, but I can't remember. I need a teddy bear, tea, a sunset, something to do other than moan and groan. I am in a strange...

two- I am in a strange mood.

three- The world is closing in on me a little bit, I feel. It's nobody's fault but my own that I'm stressed. I know myself, or at least I should. I know when I am stressed that I become emotional and that nobody but you generally has to see it or put up with it.

four- You probably wonder why I am happy around some people, and not around you. No, I don't feel like I'm putting up  a face for them. I just feel like subconsciously, probably, I need to create around me and atmosphere of joviality and smiles lest I cut off all of my hair and color my toenails with a sharpie. I think. And maybe around you I can, subconsciously, let go a little bit, and that's why you get all the mixed/mangled sentences, the tired eyes, the grabby hands, the wet noses.

five- I wonder what life would be like with a wet nose. Probably, more humid.

six- You're strange, and I think you understand some things about brains that not a lot of other people can. But I think it might have simultaneously freaked me out and reassured me. I can't wait until Hannah comes over. I need my Hannah right now, I think.

seven- I actually wanted my Rachel and Allison too, and my Kaylie. But them gals are absent from my schedule tonight.

eight- I miss... smelling warmness. I guess in that way, I also miss tasting warmness. I think instead of warmness, the word I should use is warmth. But I'm kind of chilly right now.

nine- I wish I had a cat. I think I'm a cat person. I'm sorry. I also like movies that other people find boring. I like reading long, psychological and emotional books. I like to do things more than I like to hang out. I like waking up early and going for runs outside. I like going to plays. I need raw emotion. I like raw, emotive songs, and I love, I LOVE, musicals. It's not going to change. Maybe I need to figure that out. What is wrong with me?
I'm just not that bendy.